In the afterward
I left a very large consulting client in March for two reasons:
Reason Number One: The work there no longer served me. That is, it did not stretch or challenge me in a way that gave meaning to my life (Note: I even wrote a song about it: Reference: “Baltimore” on my music CD.); and Reason Number Two: I wanted time to launch the CD properly and afterward, to grow and expand my personal retreat business.
So here I am in the afterward. For the first time since March, it hit me. What I have traded away to follow my heart has a value in the six-figures.
Does that feel heroic or just plain foolish? Depends upon when you catch me with that question. Today I wonder: What if I had continued to earn that money and taken a goodly part of it to give to my two philanthropic causes? They would have LOTS more money sooner than it will take for me to sell my music CDs and give them the proceeds. In that light, it indeed seems foolish.
And yet.
There’s Reason Number One to remember. Finding meaning in my work is all about a desire not to be a statistic. In a Cornell study of Varieties of Regret, most of us, about 70%, expressed regrets of INACTION when looking back on life. That is, steps not taken, things not done. Do you want to be one of those people? I certainly don’t. It’s what drives me to move through my fears and ignore the mind chatter that wants to tell me how foolish I was for leaving that large client.
What will be the price tag I am able to put on a life well lived? I imagine myself an old woman. My toothless smile stretches widely as I sit rocking in a chair, arms folded over my ratty blue sweater. I am a trifle smug, knowing that upon waking up in my forties, I didn’t cop out. I didn’t sell my soul. Knowing that I kept putting myself out there and being open to whatever appears.
And then there’s Reason Number Three: My music gets to live in the world. Each song is, in my view, a being – alive with story and emotion, vibrating in its own resonance. Each song can change our hearts, can shift us to a new place of awareness or understanding. And what a thrill it is to know with each purchase of a CD or an mp3 download, another person receives the product of my creation (or more aptly put: “The product of the Divine blowing into me the words and music I claim as my own”). Now that’s priceless.
So here I am today, feeling steadfast in this afterward. Yes, I’ve reefed in my spending sails a bit. No, I do not know what stormy seas await. Nor do any of us, be we doing meaningful work or otherwise.
Tags: Engaged Service, Music